smoker

In certain counties in Florida both literacy, science and watching objective news are frowned upon as dangerous imports of Yankee elitists.

There's nothing in the Constitution that says you have to be a lawyer in order to be on the Supreme Court. Given some of the decisions the current court has made I'd say that clowns, serial killers, car salesmen and Delta Burke might do a better job.

Get within 5 feet of any female member of the Palin family and they may have your children. This seems to apply to the Spears family as well.

Happy to do it! The girl I paid to get my signed copy of Blood's A Rover said he was really, really nice in person, talked with her for about five minutes and that he was way flattered that someone from halfway around the world would pay someone just to get a copy of his book. Cold Six Thousand really starts getting good once Pete Bondurant and Ward Little start to realize the enormity of what they've done. Also, their vietnam "project" is seriously fun. Imagine Big Pete running slaves. And, obviously you know what Pete and Ward have to do at the end of Cold Six...

I will use my supreme powers of judgment (fueled by alcohol and cigarettes) to protect us from idiots using my divine will. Isn't that obvious?

I would say it's that you get a pretty face and nice boobs, but also get familiar equipment to work with down below.

He should nominate Palin. The hearings alone would be worth it.

I can already chart her career path. As soon as Glenn Beck or O'Reilly get caught with a dude in a bathroom stall and get fired, she'll be hired to replace them and make millions talking shit on Fox News. Then, when she gets caught having banged Levi Johnson, she'll quit, penthouse will pay her $5 million for a pictoral spread and she'll start charging $500 an hour at The Bunny Ranch in Nevada.

I love hamburgers. Not as much as pork chops, but they are a close second. Thanks!

No woman is going to voluntarily go through labor twice during a two week period. I'm sure she'll insist on a C-Section to take both of them out at the same time.

The first big scandalmongering of this type was when Jefferson was president and the Sally Hemmings thing came out.

I could have listened to his brand of crazy all day long. It just made the day go by faster!

Dude, Anyone who doesn't fry their pork chops doesn't know what they are missing.

A year after winning the lottery would be better.

This is my goal. Although it would also be nice to be stepped on by an elephant right as I'm ejaculating into a serious hottie.

That has yet to be a problem.

It would make a cardiologist weep.

No. I'm of the mindset that it will be more difficult to drink, smoke and fuck when I'm dead - and that will suck.

I'm sorry if I implied that my alcohol consumption could even be vaguely described as "moderate."

Fried pork chops are really not great for your arteries.

Death is going to suck no matter what, so I choose to just do what I want to do and indulge my life.

We have to come up with a name for this child. Tiny? Buddha? Shamu? Fat Bastard? Biggie Smalls?

As would long time pork chop eaters with heart disease and long time martini drinkers with bad livers. A bunch of years ago the Gauloise cigarette company ran a billboard where they showed a bunch of people living in a nursing home. The tagline was "Smoking will take years off your life, but consider which years."

I seem to be getting my notifications now, but I'm also having problems with the New Posts section. It seems like that got glitched out when the blog postings started coming up.

Did anyone else watch that speech? It was the funniest thing I've seen in years. It was like a mixture of Glenn Beck, Hunter S. Thompson and P.J. O'Rourke. How can you not love his suggestion that the UN be moved to Libya because the streets of new york are too dangerous. Plus, he came out in favor of the Somali pirates - for which I say "Good job!" because seriously, do I give a fuck if a bunch of starving people rip off the Saudi Royal Family and Lloyd's of London so they can feed their families! Rock on, pirates, rock the fuck on! Is there some reason that we can't cancel Tyra and give this dude his own talk show? It would be better than Jerry Springer on mescaline!