MidTMike Posted August 26, 2009 Report Share Posted August 26, 2009 When you first get to Thailand you will probably be enamored by all of the wonderfully attractive boys you can take home for a fee from the go-go and host bars that populate all of the major cities. Still, you do have a heart (we hope) and after a while you may be looking for something more long term. There is nothing wrong with looking for love in Thailand – and lots of Thai guys would love to have a western boyfriend. But, you will discover that Thai guys quite simply have a completely different set of customs when it comes to gay relationships than you may be used to in the west. Respect Their Culture It is very important that you don’t try to impose your cultural attitudes on the guys. If that’s what you want, stick to the rent boys, who will be glad to indulge your preferences for a fee. When it comes to dating a Thai guy, always remember that you are in his country, which means you have to respect Thailand’s social mores, in public and in private. The good news is that most of the customs will work to your advantage once you get used to them. There is a reason that millions of western gay men come to Thailand and why many of them choose to stay forever. Socially On Top Thai society is based on the idea of different social levels. As a westerner you will be considered to be the social superior of nearly any Thai you date. The reasons for this are many and varied, but one important reason is that even a modest salary by western standards is considered a fortune by the average Thai guy. Quite simply, you are probably richer than any man he has ever known. Because of your higher social status many Thai guys will treat you with reverence. Interestingly, this may not translate into the bedroom. Some westerners assume that because their date is docile and submissive to them in public that they are a natural bottom. This is not always the case – sometimes the most timid, deferential Thai boy can become a seriously aggressive top once you get under the sheets. What it does mean is that most Thai guys will expect you to be the one to take them out on a date and they will expect you to pay for dinner. Don’t Be An Ugly American or Ugly Farang! Another common mistake is to assume that because you are being treated as the social superior, that your date considers America or those from Europe or other western countries in general to be superior. That leads you to start talking about how much better your country is than Thailand. Nothing you could do or say could be ruder. Instead, compliment your date on how great his country is. Your cock will thank you in the morning. The Money Honey What confuses many Western guys is that after several dates, your new friend may start asking you for small amounts of money. Lots of guys freak out at this point thinking they have started dating a gold digger. Don’t worry – that’s not the case. It is normal in Thai culture for someone to ask his social superiors for small favors. In this case, because they consider you so wealthy, it just seems natural for them to ask you for some money. It’s no different than a heterosexual woman expecting flowers or jewelry from time to time from her man. Thai Boys Will Love Your Bad Self! When you arrive in Thailand you will suddenly feel like more of a stud than you ever have in your life. Don’t be surprised if your score rate suddenly doubles or triples. Right off the bat, Thai guys who hang out in gay establishments that cater to Westerners are there because they find Western guys to be hotter than their countrymen. Some of them may even have a fetish for hot American boys. This makes it much easier for you to rock on with your cock on! A Golden Gay! The other great thing about Thailand is that the gay boys don’t put a premium on youth. In fact, many of them find older men more attractive. In other words, you won’t have to compete against 21 year old gym bunnies, even if you are in your 40s, 50s or 60s. If anything they will be worried about competing against you. If you were still in the closet when you were in your 20s, this is your chance to be the beau of the ball! Gay? Straight? Whatever! Those of us in the west come from cultures with a deep history of Christian values. These values made people very guilty about their homosexual yearnings which meant that most people ended up identifying as either straight or gay. Thailand on the other hand is a culture that is based in Buddhism, which says nothing negative about homosexual behavior. The result is that many Thais identify as neither gay, nor straight, but as simply people who sometimes have sex with men and sometimes have sex with women. There is, however, great social pressure for Thais to get married. This means that many Thai men get married, and then continue to live as primarily gay – sometimes with the consent and knowledge of their wives. Other men continue to have sex with both men and women throughout their lives. The good news is that they do so without much of the guilt that we would find doing the same things in our own culture. Discretion And Modesty Are An Obligation! While there is almost no prejudice against gays in Thailand, the Thais as a people are much more modest about their romantic liaisons than we are in America. It is very rare to see any Thai couple, gay or straight, exchanging kisses or any physical displays of affection in public. If your date doesn’t want to make out on the street, that does not mean he is in the closet. It just means that he has been taught from a young age to be discreet in all things. In America we spend more time talking about sex than doing it. In Thailand it is the opposite, sex is almost never talked about or physically hinted at – it just happens all the time! Personally, we are happier to be doing it than bullshitting about it and we hope you are too! Fully Dressed Under The Covers? Many Thai guys, particularly earlier on in a relationship, extend this modesty into the bedroom. When you first bring a Thai guy back to your hotel room, don’t be surprised if he gets under the covers before he takes his clothes off. Once you start making out with him, you will find that Thais eventually can become very wild in bed. It just takes them a little while to be comfortable naked with another person – unless of course, you have brought a go-go boy home! Sniff This! There is one major way that Thai guys tend to be less shy than us Western boys. In Thailand it is considered an exp​ression of friendship and affection to sniff the person you are hanging out with. We are not making this up. So, don’t be surprised if your date won’t kiss, but will move close to your face or neck and take a whiff. Skip The Formalities Once you have had sex and are alone together, your date may suddenly become radically informal. It is common for Thai guys to use your toothbrush, leave their clothes on the floor, drip water after the shower or even try on your clothes. This is not an example of them getting too pushy. It’s just their way of showing that they like you. Make Your Intentions Clear In Thai culture, exclusive, serious relationships can start very, very quickly by our standards. This means that after two or three dates lots of Thai guys may start considering you their boyfriend. Most Western guys are not comfortable with moving things this fast. What you need to do from the start is keep reminding the guy that this is still casual for you, so you don’t end up breaking too many hearts. As in all cases, upfront honesty is the best policy. Live Up To Your Social Status! Because Thai guys will consider you their social superior, they will expect you to act like one. That means that they will expect you to be dress up on dates (long pants, good shoes) and be generous with your time and money. They will also assume that you have very good manners and behave like a true gentleman at all times in public. Do your best to live up to the highest standards of behavior that you can. Don’t Be A Bitch Bitchiness and catty comments are very common in western gay culture, but they don’t exist in Thailand. You know that little comment you want to make about his shoes – don’t do it. Instead of looking for flaws, Thais look for reasons to make compliments. Find something you like about the guy and talk about that. If you do make bitchy comments you will hurt and confuse your date and probably not get laid. Be Prepared To Make The First Move Because Thai guys will consider you their more attractive social superior, they are not likely to be the one to ask you out. Instead, they will try to find subtle ways to let you know that they find you attractive. They will almost always expect you to be the one to make the first move, so you will have to find a way to be aggressive without upsetting their general sense of modesty. No Switch Hitters Unlike America, where there are tons of guys who like to give and receive, most Thai guys are either tops or bottoms – and not at all in between. This is great for those of you who are versatile, but if you have a strong preference one way or the other you might want to find a way to let your date know this before he agrees to go out with you. Be Flexible. As you continue to date Thai guys, there will be lots of small social and cultural differences that are bound to come up. The key is to expect small misunderstandings, accept them and try to learn from them. Remember, you are the visitor in their country! cc: 2005-229 GayThailand.com Reprinted with Permission August 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stkyricesf Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 This is probably the most informative post I've ever read. Michael, thank you very much. I learned alot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaifan Posted September 19, 2009 Report Share Posted September 19, 2009 Thanks Michael for a lot of very useful information. You should submit the article to the Gay press in Australia, America and Europe so that people understand better before they even arrive. I am a teacher and still find it hard to deal with the amount of respect shown to me, un-necessary as far as i am concerned. It does however mean that I am not expected to be 'out' in work, which I also find strange in a Country so open generally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WannaGo Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 ...which I also find strange in a Country so open generally. I'm curious, is Thailand as repressed about homosexuality as the States? Do they have all the gay-bashing, the stupid anti-gay rhetoric, and the BS about banning gay marriage? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lvdkeyes Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 The Buddhist religion makes no comment regarding homosexuality, so there is no outward stigma. Privately, some parents have a very different attitude toward their gay children. Thai people more or less believe "mai pen rai", don't worry, never mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WannaGo Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 That's very cool. I figured there would be some stigma, given how conservative many Asian cultures are. Funny how the Thais can be accepting of gays...and yet their whole society hasn't collapsed into complete and utter ruin. Maybe somebody ought to point that out to the Republicans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaifan Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 I definitely didn't mean to make anyone think there was any of the repression found in many western countries (excepting maybe Australia). However the higher your 'social' status the more likely to find you are asked not to advertise your gayness. This also happens in families too the higher your 'class' the more you will be expected not to be too open Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaifan Posted September 26, 2009 Report Share Posted September 26, 2009 Discretion And Modesty Are An Obligation! In addition to Modesty in the bedroom be aware that this extends to all areas of public Nudity. If you go swimming don't expect to see anything displayed. Even in the changing room they will keep everything under wraps and will be fascinated but a little embarrassed if you strip off and shower with everything displayed!! Even on Jomtien Beach they will very modestly wrap a towel not just around their waist but from the neck down in order to remove wet bathers and put on underwear. As a Sydneysider where we have three Gay Nude Beaches I was shocked there is no nudity at beaches (even gay ones) in Thailand!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lvdkeyes Posted September 26, 2009 Report Share Posted September 26, 2009 It is disconcerting to see topless (European) women on Dongtan Beach (gay beach). Thais find it highly offensive, but would never say anyhing to a farang. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaimo Posted September 27, 2009 Report Share Posted September 27, 2009 It is disconcerting to see topless (European) women on Dongtan Beach (gay beach).That is true. I think you never see topless Thai women on that beach or on any other beach in all of Thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eleothegreat Posted September 28, 2009 Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 I'm curious, is Thailand as repressed about homosexuality as the States? Do they have all the gay-bashing, the stupid anti-gay rhetoric, and the BS about banning gay marriage? The Buddhist religion makes no comment regarding homosexuality, so there is no outward stigma. Privately, some parents have a very different attitude toward their gay children. Thai people more or less believe "mai pen rai", don't worry, never mind. I am completely at awe at how Thailand accepts homosexuality. I am not homosexual, by the way, I am straight. But I have plenty of friends and two cousins who are gay. Being friends with them since puberty and now up to adulthood, I have witnessed how some of them have struggled to find acceptance, not just in society, but first and foremost, in their families. It is a difficult thing to see. So to say, the stigma against homosexuals is still strong in our counrty, The Philippines. Maybe it's due to our religion - but maybe it's just because of the narrow minds of present day society. I have always believed that if the god we believe in is an accepting god, then he would embrace homosexuals just as he would straight males and females. I was reading up on this topic a few days back, and I would like to quote a line that has struck me most: "Buddhism, which is deeply embedded in everyday Thai life, has always been the mediator with regard to social differences, and thus, where gaps in understanding exist, acceptance takes over." When that will happen in our country - I have no idea. But I have gladly cheered on behind and beside my two cousins as they came out of the closet, and I would gladly cheer on for other friends as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lvdkeyes Posted September 28, 2009 Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 Strongly religious cultures produce very many unhappy homosexuals. I don't mean that they produce homosexuals, but rather, that they make them unhappy. I dated a Pinoy in the US until he, because of family and religious pressure got married and had a child. We are still friends, but is is so unhappy, it hurts me to think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WannaGo Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 That is true. I think you never see topless Thai women on that beach or on any other beach in all of Thailand. Do they have topless and bottomless strip clubs, or are the go-go bars mostly bikinis or just topless? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WannaGo Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 I am completely at awe at how Thailand accepts homosexuality. I am not homosexual, by the way, I am straight. But I have plenty of friends and two cousins who are gay. Being friends with them since puberty and now up to adulthood, I have witnessed how some of them have struggled to find acceptance, not just in society, but first and foremost, in their families. It is a difficult thing to see. So to say, the stigma against homosexuals is still strong in our counrty, The Philippines. Maybe it's due to our religion - but maybe it's just because of the narrow minds of present day society. I have always believed that if the god we believe in is an accepting god, then he would embrace homosexuals just as he would straight males and females. I was reading up on this topic a few days back, and I would like to quote a line that has struck me most: "Buddhism, which is deeply embedded in everyday Thai life, has always been the mediator with regard to social differences, and thus, where gaps in understanding exist, acceptance takes over." When that will happen in our country - I have no idea. But I have gladly cheered on behind and beside my two cousins as they came out of the closet, and I would gladly cheer on for other friends as well. That's an interesting idea...that the prevalence of Buddhism makes the culture more accepting of different lifestyles. The corollary in the States would be that the prevalence of Christianity -- a much more judgmental religion -- makes the culture more intolerant. How sad for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaimo Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 Do they have topless and bottomless strip clubs, or are the go-go bars mostly bikinis or just topless?Technically, no, but many bars do go topless and bottomless anyway when they are reasonably certain they won't be raided by the police that night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaifan Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 I still find it difficult to understand that in a country where public nudity is frowned upon that in some Go-Go Bars they actually have f**king shows, where absolutely nothing is left to the imagination. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lvdkeyes Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 The whole difference has to do with money. Morals and ethics take a back seat to the almighty baht. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smoker Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Amen to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beer Chang Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 In most countries public nudity is frowned upon. However, in most big cities, if you look hard enough for something you can probably find it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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